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Not many people in life have an AH-HA moment.
A moment that they can accredit for a major change in their life. I knew I had one, but it took me a while before I was able to pin point what it was. I finally did.
My world was completely devastated in 2013.
My boyfriend of three years, the love of my life, the man I planned a future with broke up with me. Things had been going so well. He even had a conversation with my dad about marrying me!! But over a few weeks, I started noticing the little things. He started putting space between us; not spending so much time together, arguing about the little things; letting the outside world affect him. I figured it was a matter of time but I stayed optimistic that it wouldn’t happen. Then, one Tuesday night, the rug was pulled from under my feet. Considering how we lived together and it was his house that we lived in, I had to pack my things and move out. Due to being young and paying on student loans and maintaining a household, I had no savings to get my own place. I had to move back in with my parents.
Here is the kicker…
He broke up with me on a Tuesday but I couldn’t move out until Saturday. I had to pack my things and I needed help moving my things. My parents were not able to help me move until Saturday. I was so miserable having to live and stay at a place for four days with no love or support from anyone. Absolute Nightmare. I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep; I had no one to hug me and help me through it; all I was able to do was cry.
Finally, I was able to get out of that hell hole
and be around people who loved me and cared about me. Before I moved, him and I had a talk. He apologized for how he broke up with me (a lot of yelling, cursing, name calling, and belittling) but he still wanted to break up. Things were too much for him and he couldn’t handle it anymore. I was the only variable in his life that he could change to try to make things better and that is what he needed to do. I told him I understood and that I appreciated the apology but that he truly and deeply hurt my feelings. I told him that I believed if he took his time to process and think about everything that he would realize we wouldn’t be over but that he really needed to take his time and soul search. I knew; I saw the warning signs; he was scared because he realized that what we had was real and he did not know how to handle that. All I could do was respect his wishes and give him time.
So, back home I go. I was very bitter.
I was hurt by him but had to take the higher road. I was hurt by my parents because I felt like they abandoned me in my time of need. I was hurt by friends because no one was there for me. I was hurt by other family because they weren’t there to help me either. But I had to put all of that aside because two days later, my nephew was born. That was a whirlwind of emotions and left no time for me to decompress what I had just been through.
I quickly learned how to shut out the world
because no one was there for me in my time of need and no one cared that I was hurting because there was a brand-new baby in the family. I was pushed to the side and made to deal with my grief alone. Once the excitement calmed down, a few people tried checking up on me. I was not having it and I made it known. I drowned my sorrows with my new best friend, alcohol. I drank to take away the pain. I drank to help me cope. I drank to have a friend. I drank to feel numb. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was very rude and ugly to everyone. No one understood what I was going through. It made me furious when they said they did. I was in a bad place.
One day, I got home from work and found a book on my bed with a note. The note said, “This helped me through my dark times; I want it to help you. Since you don’t want to talk or listen to anyone, at least listen to God.” The book you may ask… Heaven is for Real.
Why not give it a shot?
At least it will give me something to do and it may help me sleep. I pick it up and start reading. At first, I roll my eyes. I don’t know how my mom expected a book to solve my problems. She was crazy to think that a book would take away my hurt. Boy, was I in for a whirlwind.
Heaven is for Real
taught me how to handle my anger. It taught me how to talk to myself and to others. It taught me how to believe in myself and in my religion. It taught me so much. The main and most important lessons it taught me were how to pray and how to listen to God’s answers.
I learned how to pray selflessly.
Instead of praying for him to change his mind and for us to get back together, I prayed for his happiness and guidance on finding mine. You see, I couldn’t just ask God to grant me happiness, that would be selfish; instead, I had to ask him to guide me to finding it again. It put me doing the work but having faith and trusting in Him to lead the way. I prayed for forgiveness but I knew that the forgiveness I needed wasn’t going to come from Him. So, I thanked Him for always forgiving me and asked him to help others be more understanding to forgiving me. There are many other prayers that I prayed, but the point is, I learned what the book reminded me of, Jesus sees us as his children and that is how we must talk to him, as his children. Do not make it complicated. Do not make it conditioned. Make it honest; make it real; make it selfless.
Heaven is for Real also taught me an underlying lesson. While the book does not talk about it or mention it, it taught me how to look the devil in its face and send it straight back to hell. You see, God gives us everything we need and the devil tries to tell us we need more. What I learned was to be grateful for everything that I have been given and provided with. If something doesn’t work out or come through, that means it wasn’t meant to be, something better will come along, or the timing wasn’t right.
I am not proud of my actions and behavior toward myself and others. However, I would not change it. That time taught me valuable lessons. I can’t say that reading Heaven is for Real will change your life the way it did mine, but I can tell you that I am happy my mom gave it to me and God guided me to read it. Reading it was my AH-HA moment that changed my life. It encouraged me to stop thinking so negative; it encouraged me to find the positive in every situation, no matter how bad it may be. It allowed me to thank God for not giving me what I want but giving me what I need. Once I started doing that, I realized how much better off my life is by allowing His plan to unfold for my life than forcing my plan to work out. I am not saying to not make plans and to not work hard and work toward something. I am not saying that at all. What I am saying is to not get discouraged when what YOU want doesn’t fall into place and work out. What I am saying is to remember that your master plan in life has already been written and God is the best author there is!
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