My 15 “Life Happens” Moments in 4 years
WELCOME BACK!! In case you haven’t read the previous post, BECAUSE “LIFE HAPPENS” PART I, here is a brief overview of how we pick up at #9…
1.) THE BREAK UP
2.) I BECOME A PARENT
3.) DRAINING MY SAVINGS
5.) LAWYER FOR HIRE
6.) VINDICTIVE & SPITEFUL
7.) A SLAP IN THE FACE
8.) LEGALLY OFFICIAL
Intrigued??? Read on to get up to date on my life.
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“If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always gotten.”– Jessie Potter
As stated in PART I, JT and I broke up in 2013. Now allow me to play catch up to bring you up to speed with JT. For the rest of 2013 and into 2014 we stayed separated and didn’t talk. (I had enough going on in my life, don’t you think?) Around the middle of 2014 we started talking again. After a few months, we called it off again. I didn’t want to move back to Hammond after being forced out of there and he didn’t want to move to Thibodaux. In 2015, we started talking again. After going through EVERYTHING I went through, I thought moving may not have been a terrible idea. Though I was not really fond of moving BACK to Hammond because I found the environment he lived in was negative, I was ready to get away and get WP away from the drama we lived in. We talked and he agreed that I wouldn’t have to deal with everything that I went through before. I started looking for jobs in Hammond and was hired on at another bank. After not being overly thrilled to find out I was hired, I started to soul searching. I decided that I was only willing to move back to escape my crazy life in Thibodaux and not because I truly wanted to be out there. Did I want to be with JT? Yes. Did I want to be with him out there? No. I graciously turned down the job offer and had to have a heart to heart with him. I still was not moving. I then turned the tables and asked him to move to Thibodaux. He said he would think about it but he had to put JA’s best interest first. JT and JA’s mother shared custody of him 7/7. JA was also in school. There were things to be considered. I came up with a game plan that would allow them to continue shared custody and still have JA in school with JT living in Thibodaux. We could enroll JA in Virtual Academy. While he was with us, he would spend his time needed in the classroom and when he was with his mother, he would do the computer work part of it. See, it was really a great plan because he was having serious trouble in school. He was suspended from Kindergarten and first grade. His grades were not too hot. The virtual academy would have given him the opportunity to start new and fresh. Once I worked out all of the details and got everything set up and ready to go, JT decided that he did not think Virtual Academy was best for JA and that he was not moving. Since JT and I could not meet in the middle and neither one of us was willing to move, it was pointless to continue our relationship, so we ended it for good or so we thought. In 2016, mutual friends of ours hosted their son’s second birthday. It was our first time seeing each other and talking in over 6 months. We didn’t have big conversation; just the typical hey, how are you doing, small talk. We didn’t hang out together either. He was at the party with JA and I was at the party with WP and KM. The party was at a splash park so we were both preoccupied with our children. At the end of the party, we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. My gut-instinct feeling, however, told me I would probably be hearing from him again. And I was correct. A few days later, he asked to take me to dinner. He wanted to talk. I agreed and we met the following weekend. He asked me if I was still against moving. I was. I changed my career path from banking to investments and had just been hired on at an investment firm. He figured as much which is why he came prepared with a proposition. Though he did not want to leave JA, JA still was acting out in school and his grades still were not fantastic. Shared custody of 7/7 while JA was in school was not what was in JA’s best interest. He wanted JA to live and be with him and have a fresh start at school but he knew JA’s mother would never allow that because that would mean she would lose child support (before you go all… That is wrong and she wants her son and it isn’t about the money, he needs to support him anyway… just know that there is a court hearing that already proved she wasn’t concerned about the wellbeing of her son <– that isn’t my story to tell though) So he did what was in the best interest of JA and stepped back in hopes that JA would start preforming better in school (two sets of rules and schedules when school follows one isn’t healthy) The JA situation was covered. Now on to him moving. He had been thinking about what I said about his environment being negative. At first, he didn’t see it because it was what he was used to. But after taking what I said into consideration, he began seeing little by little what I meant. He now found his environment to be negative as well and he wanted out. His proposition… As soon as I promised to stay by his side and give us another chance going in at 100%, leaving our past in the past, he was willing to move to Thibodaux!!! I swear I think Heaven’s gates opened and the angels came down playing the Alleluia chorus when I heard those words come out of his mouth.
9.) THE MORE THE MERRIER.
JT put his house on the market and moved in to, you got it, the 3-bedroom-1-bathroom house that was already occupied by 5 adults and 2 children. Things were going along as smoothly as possible. My SIL was still hellacious; my brother was still making terrible decisions; I was up to my ears in debt, working my butt off to attempt a small savings and paying down all of my debt; JT was in the process of selling his house; him and I are both contributing to my parents because we believe in taking care of our responsibilities. The end of 2016 wasn’t looking too bad, all things considered. “Life happens” #9… one month left of 2016 and I end it with a bang. I am PREGNANT!!! BEFORE YOU JUDGE THE SITUATION, and say how stupid we are for not using protection and not practicing safe sex, hear me out…
Since I was 11 years old, I suffered with endometriosis and ovarian cysts. My first surgery was a month after I turned 12 years old. I have had 6 surgeries for my endometriosis and ovarian cysts. I have also had surgery to remove cervical cancer. After my last surgery, my doctor told me he was not doing any more surgeries unless I was getting a hysterectomy. I had been on birth control since I was 11 in order to prevent my cycle to attempt to help with the endometriosis and cysts. At one point, I was on the shot and the pill. Nothing was working. As a last resort, my doctor put me on a birth control shot that induced me into menopause in hopes it would stop the endometriosis and ovarian cysts from growing and forming; it did not. I stopped all treatment all together. At my last wellness appointment, before I got pregnant, my doctor asked me if I was ready for my hysterectomy because he was ready to preform it. Naturally, never having my own children but wanting to so desperately and only being 27 years old, I refused the offer. Now that you know that back story, you may be willing to reconsider the judgment of getting pregnant knowing my hands were already full. We were actually trying. It wasn’t an accident and it wasn’t unplanned. We, as well as my family, were tinkled pink and over the moon happy. We had been trying for 6 months and it FINALLY happened!!
10.) LAWYER ON PAYROLL.
Now the fun began and the countdown to find our own place started. The pressure, when I really don’t need it the most, was on. JT has to sell his place so we can use the money to pay off his place and have a nice down payment. We don’t have many options to fit our needs considering we already have three children (his son and my two nephews whom I have custody of) and one on the way. Luckily, at the beginning of 2017, JT was able to sell his place! YEY!!!! Sold, paid off, and banked the rest into savings! Let the house hunting commence. After almost two months of searching, we finally found something that could possibly work for us. Right before we were supposed to sign a pre-approval offer contract, JT is served custody and child support papers. His son’s mother learned about my pregnancy and decided to take JT back to court to increase his child support and take his legal rights away (JT is an OUTSTANDING father and has always provided for his son and has always been an active part of his life too, so taking away his rights was not going to happen.) And yes, that was the real reason she done it. Their custody arrangement had already been in place for quite some time and he was already paying her child support. Our beautiful savings deposit turned into a lawyer’s retainer. “Life happens” #10. Lawyer fees and rework our finances because his child support was increased.
11.) TOTAL WRECK.
It’s ok. No big deal. Clearly that house wasn’t supposed to be the house for us. The one thing I had gotten very good at was rebounding from failed plans and regrouping to form another plan. Refigure finances, start saving again. No big deal. We got into a routine and we picked ourselves up by the boot straps and started trucking again. Things were going well. We found out we were having a BOY!!! Started house hunting again and found a new house to check out. JT and I were going look at it one afternoon after work. We rode to work together that day because he worked in New Orleans and I had a conference in New Orleans. I dropped him off and was on my way to my conference when “life happens” #10 slammed into me, literally. I totaled his not quite a year-old new truck. I was 26 weeks pregnant and just totaled an almost brand-new vehicle. Thankfully and by the Grace of God, the baby and I were unharmed and just fine. Unfortunately, we had to pull from the savings, AGAIN, to buy him another truck. Positive side, insurance paid toward the majority of the truck’s balance and what it didn’t pay, GAP insurance that JT added to his note, picked up. He was out from that truck note. House hunting put on hold; savings back in progress.
12.) NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE.
Merging my two worlds together at this point has you almost caught up. As if working full time, having my two nephews and being pregnant weren’t enough, I also managed my parents’ household and finances, was the one responsible for house hunting, and attempted to help my brother get his life on track by getting him into a rehab program. By this point, I had learned about the great big tangled web he weaved himself into. He was incarcerated and booked in one parish, had outstanding warrants in another parish, and had violated his probation in another parish. He finally agreed and admitted to what we knew all along… he needed help because he had a serious drug problem. It wasn’t until I took his custody away that he saw exactly what he lost and could lose forever. I was not helping him by bailing him out. I wasn’t that stupid anymore. I was helping him by getting him the help he really needed. I tirelessly worked with his probation officer in the parish where he violated his probation, the assistant district attorney in the parish where he had his warrants, and the judge who sentenced him in the parish where he was booked and incarcerated. I also worked hand in hand with the admissions coordinator at Cenikor, the rehab program I found best suited his needs. Once I was able to get him admissions into the program, I then coordinated with the three parishes to court order rehab and allow his sentencing to run concurrent. Some parishes and people were more willing than others. By the time I got him into rehab, the judge ordered his time served to fulfill his sentence. He was then transported to the parish where his outstanding warrants were. Once he was booked there, the assistant district attorney refused his charges. He did not have to serve time and was sent to the parish where he was in violation of his probation. After numerous conversations with his probation officer, she was able to convince the judge to court order rehab for him. Working diligently with both the admissions coordinator of Cenikor and his probation officers, we set up his final transport. He was released to my custody in order for me to bring him to rehab which is where “life happens” #12 comes in. My little savings that I mustered to save through everything else was pulled one final time in order to pay his admissions fee and buy him the basic necessities that he needed for the program.
13.) DREAM COME TRUE.
My tedious juggling act did bring good news on the house hunting home front. I located a 12-acre tract of land for sale that was a reasonable price. JT’s dream was to always own a nice piece of property that he could build on but still have enough woods to hunt. This land was absolutely perfect. I reached out to our relator. She was able to get everything set up and within no time, we put in our offer and it was accepted!! We were soon to be property owners! Sorry, you have to read into “life happens” #14 for “life happens” #13.
14.) WHY BE LATE WHEN YOU CAN BE EARLY?
Life is calming down; my plate is clearing off. I can finally focus on me and the end of my pregnancy. YEY!!! I have a month left to go. Packed my hospital bag; told my mom Sunday, where I kept my bags in case I went into labor driving to or from work or at work. Told JT Monday where I kept my bags at and that my mom knew in case he forgot. Woke up a little after midnight Monday night into Tuesday morning to head to the hospital. My month left that I had to focus on me and the end of my pregnancy turned into the end of my pregnancy. I had my sweet little baby boy a month early at 36 weeks and he was just as healthy as could be. Life was absolutely perfect, for a day. The very next day JT got a phone call about the property we were closing on; it was not available to be sold; the owner did not own a clear title to the property. “Life happens” #13, we couldn’t buy the property after all. “Life Happens” #14 My baby boy was born. Heartbroken and money wasted. We already purchased an elevation certificate as well as an appraisal. We had to hire lawyer for the closing and the lawyer hired an abstractor who was the one to learn of the title. All of that money for our future home land, down the drain. Dreams shattered. The positive side??? I had a beautiful and healthy brand-new baby.
15.) UNFINISHED BUSINESS
Being out on maternity leave gave me a great opportunity to house hunt again. I found one we both liked. The yard was gorgeous and huge so the children would have plenty of space to play. The house was big enough to hold all of us. It was within our price range which was even better!! We checked it out, saw the potential, fell in love, and decided to put in an offer. I contacted Lisa Baker with Assurance Financial to start our process. We had already been approved for the property so we knew we were good to go for the house. Boy how WRONG we were. Remember that wreck that I was in the GAP was supposed to pay off… well they DIDN’T!!! They didn’t receive all of the paperwork they needed and it isn’t their job to call their customers to tell them differently. That being the case, it has officially made JT late on his truck note which has hurt his credit dramatically. The nice new negative mark was just enough for him to get denied for the preapproval. Due to all of my life happens moments and because I was on maternity leave, my debt to income ratio was too great for me to get preapproved. Welcome to “life happens” #15. The wonderful house that was just right would have to be just right for someone else because him nor I can get approval for it.
As much as what “life happens,” I always did my best to keep my spirits up and find a positive through the negative. I am not a proponent of allowing life to get me down. You see, I look at it like this: If my life got me down, how could I depend on it to get me back up? I cannot. Therefore, through all of the negatives that come my way, I find the positive. Sometimes it comes easily; sometimes it is a struggle; sometimes it is a knock out fight to the very end. And sometimes, I don’t find it; the positive finds me. As much as what JT and I want our own place, living with my parents during this whole ordeal has been the biggest blessing ever. Having their help and support is WONDERFUL!! We all pitch in on doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking, bills, and everything else that needs to be done around the house and for the house. I love all of my babies and wouldn’t trade them for the world; however, it would be CRAZY difficult for both of us to work full time and out of town (I drive 45 minutes to work and from work and JT drives over an hour to and from work) and take care of all of them plus maintain a functioning household without help. My parents definitely have a special place in heaven set aside for them because they do not mind the situation one bit. In fact, when we talk about getting our own place and moving out, my mom gets pretty upset. By far, I do not want our situation to be a permanent situation. I want it to only be temporary. This is why I am making my change in my life. Nothing else I have done has seem to work for me to get me where I need to be, so why not change and try something differently. With the help of Suzi Whitford and her AMAZING step by step guide on how to start a blog, and Michelle with her Stellar master guide on affiliate marketing, that is exactly what I am doing.
Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.
I am regaining my sanity by sharing with you my life’s journey and how I convince myself to keep my head up and stay positive through some of the worst times. Staying positive and upbeat is not always easy but it is always worth it.
If you want things to change, be the change.